BRENT STOLLER

Writer. Advice giver. Peanut butter and chocolate enthusiast.

Life Hack: Pull From the Bottom

“…Men wear their underwear until it absolutely disintegrates. Men hang onto underwear until each individual underwear molecule is so strained it can barely retain the properties of a solid. It actually becomes underwear vapor.”

I am one of these men of whom Jerry Seinfeld speaks.

And it’s not just restricted to my boxers. I do the same with my undershirts and socks, too.

Why wouldn’t I?

It’s all under-wear, meaning it’s not visible to the outer world. Their beauty is in their functionality.

So as long they provide the necessary coverage in the necessary regions, it’d be wasteful to move on.

The only problem I’ve run into is that, if you’re not careful, these garments can deteriorate too quickly.

And a few years ago, I realized I wasn’t being careful.

I do laundry about once a week. And when I put it away, I set the clean clothes on top of whatever’s in the drawer, because that’s most convenient.

The problem, though, was that I also was taking a top-heavy approach whenever I’d get dressed.

This meant I’d end up wearing the same five or six undershirts and pairs of boxers and socks over and over — despite having probably double the amount of each.

To counteract this, I introduced a new strategy into my “What am I going to wear?” selection:

Pulling from the bottom.

Instead of mindlessly grabbing whatever accessory is on top, I now reach for the one at the bottom.

It’s not a logistical problem with the socks. But with the shirts and shorts, I have to stabilize the stack with one hand as I pull the magic tablecloth trickwith the other.

Yes, this adds roughly 1.7 seconds to my morning routine. But that’s a pittance to pay.

Not only has this tactic extended my underwear rotation, it’s boosted the morale of the underwear itself.

They’re more durable, more rested and more eager to perform when it’s their turn at the plate. That’s what happens when you delay the point of disintegration.

In fact, reviews have been so positive around the closet, my towels have requested I employ the same selection process with them.

*****

This article originally appeared on 100 Naked Words.

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