BRENT STOLLER

A hopeful, (sometimes) humorous take on the traumas of infertility and pregnancy loss.

Mission Accomplished

Deserted road winding through the trees

One hundred four.

That’s how many consecutive days I’ve written an article.

Recently, I explained how I’d purposefully kept myself in the dark about where I stood since starting this challenge of publishing for 100 days straight, as a way of keeping myself in the present.

Eyeing the end would’ve turned this into a contest of survival. And I didn’t want that. I wanted to focus on where I was, not on where I was trying to go.

But this morning, I finally found the nerve to perform the calculation. I needed to know.

While I figured I was nearing completion — I’d begun in mid May, and it was now just past mid August — I assumed I hadn’t quite made it.

But learning I had was a pleasant surprise.

And learning that I hadn’t just met my goal, but exceeded it, was even better.

My strategy of ignorance had paid off.

With this achievement now in the rearview, I’m left with two questions:

What did I get out of this experience?

And where do I go from here?

My main takeaway from this experience is that I was able to complete this experience.

Among my many insecurities as a writer, the biggest is my speed, or lack thereof. It typically takes me forever to figure out what I want to say and how I want to say it.

So publishing something every day felt out of reach. I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to come up with ideas quickly enough, or run out of the stamina needed to express them.

But by sticking with this challenge, I was able to build a better version of myself — one that’s capable of doing what I previously doubted I could do.

Which brings me to where I go from here.

While I will likely cut back on my weekend entries, I’d be foolish to cut back on anything else.

Yes, it’s tempting to reallocate this writing time for scrolling Facebook, getting infuriated by the news and reading about Texas football.

But all that would do is undo my hard work, and the habit I’ve cultivated over the previous 104 days.

Actually, make that 105.

*****

This originally appeared on 100 Naked Words.